Self Acceptance (some of my story)

I remember the majority of life, starting around when I was 2.

when you’re really little, and your family is pretty much all of what you know, there’s not a ton of questioning … of situations or yourself.

I remember times though, where I felt very confused as to the external happenings around me vs. what I felt or even knew in my young mind really didn’t fit anything I’d done nor had intended.

4th grade was interesting, and somehow stands out as pretty rough.

but it was in 5th grade when I learned from a classmate on a “dress down day” (no uniform day) that there were much cooler jeans than I was wearing, and that I should change that.

the next year I told my Norwegian mom I wanted my hair straightened & in a cute cut like the other girls.

I had had French braids in my hair for endless years prior because mom legitimately didn’t know what to do with mixed race, curly hair.

the chemical straightener the salon used on my hair was intended for very coarse black hair … mine is very fine Scandinavian hair with black curl…and it gave me huge painful burns on my scalp that scabbed over & broke my hair. every single time.

and the “cute cut” I wanted looked just awful.

on top of this, I won the lottery when it came to bad teeth from both sides of the family & had braces + nighttime head gears + multiple oral surgeries from ages 9-15.

my schedule was unbelievably full my whole childhood with multiple music lessons, orchestras, & sports teams, plus a ton of academically driven private school homework,

so my social life would have been limited anyway even if I didn’t have extremely vigilant rules being enforced as well.

I could really go on & on with detailed examples of every year of my life, but suffice it to say, I learned from all sides that I was not acceptable in one way or another …

and for those of you who are intuitive & empaths like I am, you know how that in itself adds an even more confusing layer of not knowing or understanding what’s “wrong” with you.

I was constantly told I was always too sensitive, too emotional, too *fill in the blank.

well, that lasted & magnified for decades.

and I was basically constantly hurting inside.

a lot.

I put on a good front, I think … but living hurt and felt sad.

the part of my story that I’ve somewhat shared prior to this is how I began to pivot up & out of that permanent feeling sad life space.

the part where I’d hit the lowest of my lows, and reached out to a peak performance coach who I thought was going to teach me things relating to my orchestra, but the books & assignments he gave me opened the door to my internal healing … confirmed my intuitive / empathic knowings inside, and started my opening & healing to where I am now.

I am still healing now, but from a place of self-acceptance, connectivity to my highest self & the universe, and the gentle power of mindfulness through as many hours of the day possible.

if you resonate with any of my story, I want this peace for you too.

you deserve it and it’s completely available to you when you devote yourself to yourself, get support, and commit to healing your heart, mind, body, spirit, and life.